I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
