new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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