just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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