You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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