I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize