I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
