I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
