Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
