I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
