what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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