I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
