we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
