I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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