i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
