he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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