if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
