Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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