D3 body, D1 cock
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Only a mothe r could love this liver
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
