yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
