I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
