my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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