he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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