She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think people are normalizing furries
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
