I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
