It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
