I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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