I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
