I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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