could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
