Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
