break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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