why do cheetos always look like penises
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize