I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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