I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
