I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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