i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
