once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
