My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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