A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
