The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
