Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
