You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
