don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
