Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
