If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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