Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
