EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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