How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
