No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
