at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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