You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
