Need sex. Gaining weight.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
