I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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