I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
