I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
