Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
