ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize