R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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