It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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