Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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