i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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