i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
