But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
