Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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