3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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