so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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