I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
