i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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