OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
