You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
