Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
