I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
