After last night, I could never be a politician.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
