some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
