I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He passed out mid-signature
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
