im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
