my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
