honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
