Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
